Post by chaos on Oct 5, 2011 0:07:48 GMT -5
cant chaos be both good and bad? you cant have creation without destruction.
The debate presented is more along the line of "Are people born good or are born evil." I have no opinion of that, because I cannot make a personal judgement of good and evil. I lack the complete understanding of what is considered socially acceptable to morally acceptable. Since I was not at first socially accepted myself,and I have no sense of morals, my views of things are skewed. If you are told a lie long enough you will believe it, and eventually I believe I am nothing more than a monster, since society has labelled me as one. I am not one to disappoint. I will give what the world wants.
I am not bad. I am just good at being bad. Intentionally or by accident, I see that even when I try to do something good I still eff up in some way
Needless to say, I do have some heart. I don't kill kids(can't spoil what Shadow is working on, but you will see). I see them as fragile and helpless as I was when I first entered this unforgiving harsh world.(one scene I see young street urchins about to be harmed by older people, reminded me of dogs picking on runts in the litter, and I scare them off. Unfortunately, scare the kids too. Oh well.)
I don't want to "Bear my feelings," but what you call a good side, is spoken by my actions and sometimes slips out in my language(though not directly hinted at).
In most of the story I don't try to make an effort in the beginning to kill anybody except animals. I kill animals because I am hungry and look at them as food. I don't have much feeling for something that I am about to eat. I am a large creature and my appetite needs to be accommodated. I don't get fresh steaks like Francoeur gets handed to him(envy).
I start going after people after I snapped and finally had enough of someone trying to hurt me. After that I realize that I am strong enough to do what I want.
I start feeding on people who in my view, society is better off with. Then when I see there is not much option to be picky, then I get dangerous. I have an unquenchable hunger(like real life vampires who mentally think they need to drink human blood, but really is a serious iron deficiency and causes them to go mad), and my view of humanity keeps slipping as I view them the same way as the dogs and cats in the beginning. Just animals.
I am not completely heartless, but I do things by choice and influence.
Francoeur... When I first met him, I was puzzled. Maybe he had something that I did not have. So I followed him. He saw me not as a monster or something to be afraid of. He saw something of himself in me. I recognised that and let him play upon that. Thinking that I could somehow use him or learn from him. When I got to see his world, and see that he truly did have something I did not have(friends and a place in the world), I started to envy and want that. I wanted to be apart of that world. A place where even a bug like me could belong.
But then, I saw him turn into a human. Into another fleshbag.
WHAT'S WITH THAT?!
How can he show me how he has friends that love him as a flea, but masquerades around as a human, to please another?! How can he try to show me a world that accepts a monster, when he doesn't even accept himself? Does he think he is better than me? That he can have everything and be oh so perfect?
He is lying to himself. He is a monster just like me.
Whether behind a mask or behind human flesh.
I will show this hypocrite for what he is. He won't make a fool out of me. The liar. ..
My brother...
There is no place on earth that can accept us for what we truly are.
Maybe I should...
No.... That would be too....
But it could....
I will....
I will do it.
I will show the world the true monsters of paris.
This will be My Final Act in this cruel Play.
I will NOT hide any longer.
If I be damned, I will be damned and drag this world through the same hell it has shown me.
And you Francoeur.
I will drag into the pit with me.
You and everything you ever loved.